Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine – Are You?

Who goes on holiday without taking at least one book with them? Certainly not me! I’d been meaning to read Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine for a while, finally deciding to  do so over summer.

Countless articles about the dire effects of loneliness and social interaction have popped up in recent years; yet the author Gail Honeyman presents a brilliant perspective of the social challenges Eleanor faces; particularly her loneliness.

Not to give too much away, Eleanor’s life is timetabled perfectly. The identical outfit she wears to work everyday, the 2 bottles of vodka she drinks at the weekend, her complete  lack of interest in engaging in small talk with her co workers. She’s totally no-nonsense, and that’s what makes her, ironically,  such an engaging character.

Layered with childhood trauma that she has repressed through her adult life, Eleanor doesn’t give much away at the beginning – just that she is obsessed with this low-life lead singer of a band. The book itself is quite comedic, ridden with a multitude of Eleanor’s first experiences; her bikini wax, getting her hair done – “You’ve made me shiny, Laura,” I said. I tried to stop it, but a little tear ran down the side of my nose. […] “Thank you for making me shiny.” . 

Reading this book, I just wanted to be Eleanor’s friend. The overwhelming feeling you get, once you’ve passed Eleanor’s awkwardness, is how much you want to be her friend. The characters are lovely, although it may be an unrealistic representation of what people are actually like; in this book – they are kind, and they are nice.

Its incredible what a strong support network can do for your emotional health, and this book conveys that. Eleanor no longer feels like she must always be ‘fine’, instead allowing herself to feel – in all its entirety. I took away the message that it is okay to not always be fine. We all have tough day – it is how you allow your negative thoughts to affect you; do you reject them and identify with them? Or do you acknowledge these thoughts and find their deeper meaning?

If you decide to read this book, or have read it, let me know your thoughts in the comments :)!

until next time,

lorinda

AUMTUMN FEELS

Lol 2 posts in 2 days? You wish!

Here’s my autumn playlist that I compiled a couple of weeks ago, if you’re a fan of R&B, you may be a fan of this 🙂

Stay Present

My ‘once a week’ posts have become ‘once every 6 months’, apologies for (what seems to be) my lack of commitment to this blog. My commitment lies in giving you quality content to read, hence the delay in posting anything!

Last time I told you to never forget your self worth – now I remind you to stay motivated, and reach your end goal. It’s so easy to become disorientated, and lose sight of your end goal, when you are preoccupied with the small aspects of life: school deadlines, a job, your social life, and creating time for yourself.

It’s important to physically care for your mind as well as mentally (as I spoke about in my last post). Little things like writing your ‘to do list’ on a small piece of paper, to cross off when complete, may seem trivial but actually can make you feel in control of your life and road to achieving your ambition. I typed into google ’10 things to do everyday’ and the results were endless; I’ll add some websites I read below! Meditation popped up a lot, enhancing your mindfulness and learning to control your breathing is very important. A good amount of sleep was also prominent on the lists I read, as well as expressing gratitude. Gratitude is an emotion you can never have too much of. Being gracious is a wonderful trait to have; expressing gratitude for all your blessings is extremely important in personal reflection. I’m under the assumption that these ‘things to do everyday’ are there to halt you dwelling on the past and pondering the future; the emphasis being on staying present.

My advice links in with this I guess. A long term goal is just that, long term. Eventually, you will achieve this goal – but how will you get there? Success stems from taking each obstacle as it comes, so take each day without thinking too hard about tomorrow. Why save a task for tomorrow if you can do it today? When you wake up in the morning, briefly detail what you hope to achieve by the end of the day and DO IT! Some days you will want to just kick back, and you should – just don’t leave a long list of household chores to complete, and school/work deadlines to meet (you will never forgive yourself)! There is no guilt like that of having wasted time that could’ve been spent productively.

Do reach out for more posts (I’ll try and post more frequently)

Some websites I viewed:

http://www.time.com

http://www.bakadesuyo.com

http://www.everydaypower.com

www.eringobler.com

lorinda ❤︎

Know your self-worth

It’s taken me 6 months to even consider writing another post. Feeling unmotivated, and as though I’ve been depleted of any literary capacity is a recurring feeling I have experienced since September. As I’ve allowed time for my thoughts to accumulate here’s what I’ve been thinking about…

Don’t be a victim to society. Each heart on this earth is precious, and mine simply breaks at the thought of others not treating themselves with the love and compassion that they spend so long devoting to others. How can you treat others like gold, yet yourself like mere plastic. For a moment put yourself first, because this society teaches us that we are selfish; our judgement has been obscured, whereby assessing even the simplest of situations has become complex. It IS okay to think of yourself before others; and you most certainly aren’t selfish for doing so. For how can you save others, if you cannot save yourself?

Being complimented on the way you look is always flattering, yet simultaneously, being complimented on something we have literally NO control over seems insignificant. You didn’t work for your looks – you got lucky; your parents had an excellent combination of alleles. Being commended on your spirit is far more gratifying.  You worked so hard to nurture your character and to develop into the person you wanted to become. Parents? Their genes have no input in the flourishing of your personality. That is all down to you.

Living in a society where being egotistical is often applauded and vulnerability looked down upon, ignoring the people around you and focusing on yourself is the purest form of love that you can offer yourself. You are allowed to say ‘no’ to things which do not fulfil your soul. Spending time alone should be embraced and encouraged, we need the time to reflect on how we feel – you deserve some solitude. The importance of interacting with people who share your interests is paramount; whatever it may be.  Don’t allow others to make you feel bad for not having the same interests as them because you don’t owe anyone anything.

What we should consider, is letting go of what doesn’t positively affect you, for it is an injustice in allowing said ‘thing’ to remain in your life. Most upsetting of all, many of us are so consumed with how we are viewed by others, we lose sight of who we truly want to be. Infuse positive affirmations into each aspect of your life, regardless how minimal it may appear at first. You aren’t finding yourself, you are realising your self-worth, and that has much greater value than some may ever realise.

When you learn to be kind to yourself, the world will seem kinder towards you.

– a plea for you to realise your self worth

 

lorinda

someone who inspired me when writing this – click here x

oh, and let me know what you think

haha thanks

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motivation :)

GCSEs are over. That wasn’t even the worst of it. The bright side, however, is looking extremely bright! 3 subjects, albeit triple the amount of work that had to be done for GCSEs – YOU chose those subjects, obviously for a reason. Don’t lose track of the end goal…don’t lose track of what you have worked so incredibly hard for. Use every setback to motivate you, for you are only as intelligent as you let yourself be. Dedicating the appropriate amount of time to your work and school commitments will result in not only overall better grades but mentally you will feel exceptional, knowing you have accomplished something wonderful. Plan your time and how it will be used. Do not be distracted. But enjoy yourself because A Levels aren’t a signal for the end of the world…your world is only just beginning!

-the motivation we all needed before the beginning of sixth form:)

 

lorinda

Friendship

A common idea, a societal expectation that has been globally accepted by everyone; ranging from young children and teenagers to adults and pensioners. It is such a simple yet complex social hierarchy. Friendship. 

 There are many different opinions on what the most important quality of a friend should be, however there is no clear definition. Can friends be trusted? In what context?

Speaking from personal experience, I can establish that a positive friendship is NOT a competition. you are under no obligation to compete with anybody because that completely disregards one main principle of friendship: equality and support of one another. When you begin to notice that your friend is attempting to compete with you, it becomes damaging to your own self confidence. Fake friends are zealous, they do not want the best for you, they do not want you to truly express yourself and your opinions. We are all beautifully unique in our own ways, not one of us is the same – so why should you trade your individuality in favour of normality. 

Friends are not the key to your happiness. If you are going to jeopardise your own mental health for the benefit of others, that isn’t a healthy relationship. Be careful who you surround yourself with because you are your own priority. Your brain is so precious that it is a disservice to threaten its wellbeing by exposing it to toxic people. So choose your friends wisely. 

However, do not take this the wrong way. Friends are important for your personal development because you learn many traits from them such as empathy, trust and happiness. Consequently, I am not attempting to teach you to isolate yourself. Moreover, I am promoting you to be wise about your decision on who you choose to be friends with and if they will have a positive impact on your life.

  • an excerpt from a book I will never write

With much love as ever,

Lorinda xxx

 

 

All The Bright Places

This was a book. A book. A book that I truly cannot encapsulate all my thoughts about in one mere blog post. An amazing book.

All The Bright Places will forever hold a special place in my heart, whether it’s because of the point in my life I was at mentally when I first read it, or because of how it truly made me reflect on a multitude of different emotions that I was feeling yet struggled to truly express. An exhilarating read, it has taken me a whole 8 months after reading All The Bright Places for the first time to be capable of comprehending my feelings about it and putting them into words.

Naturally, I read lots of online reviews and although many of them were mixed, some may have felt like the book glorified suicide, or that the mental illnesses of the characters were not properly acknowledged. I could disagree but I believe it is down to interpretation; for me personally, it is the best book I’ve read in my 16 years of existence (and I have read a lot of books)! I cannot guarantee you will love, or even like this book, and it may break your heart; you can decide if it’s worth it.

Finch? I absolutely adore him! The character development of Finch throughout the story  honestly blew me away and Jennifer Niven truly created a spectacular character. His emotions, his thoughts, the way he narrates his part of the story is so raw and so real that I couldn’t believe it. Mentally, Finch struggled, yet Niven delivers this flawlessly; and there is a surreal sense of understanding, in my opinion, that I’ve never experienced from a book before.

Violet? Violet is a very interesting character who initially wants to die and Finch helps her through this. After the death of her sister she suffers PTSD, but Finch helps her to partially move on with her life and not dwell on the past – advice I well and truly took myself. Her battle is tragic as she fights to become herself again, the person she was before her sisters death and before she became unhappy. On a personal level, I couldn’t really relate to Violet as much but there were elements of her personality/struggles that are potentially mirrored in my life.

“I’m fighting to be here in this shitty, messed-up world”

“I’m fighting”

“fighting” – we are all fighting something, someone and the fight never truly ends. The important thing is acknowledging this fight. Acknowledging the fact that there is always a fight to be fought and conquered. Finch understood this, and after reading this book, so did I.

The world truly is shitty, and messed-up, but it’s what you do about it, how you live through it; that’s what really matters. I think that is an important message being conveyed by All The Bright Places that should be highlighted. Attempt to make the worst of a shitty situation and always look on the bright side, for you will find a bright place.

Do let me know if you have read this book/will read it, and your opinions on it!

lorinda

Love Island – Why I Hate It

If you live in the UK, no doubt you are aware of the storm that is ‘Love Island’ that has taken over the ITV2 9pm slot every evening, and no doubt are you aware of just how awful it is; yet so gripping to watch. If you don’t know what Love Island is – well, count yourself lucky. It’s a dating show where single (and outrageously good looking people with abnormally fit bodies) live in a villa for 8 weeks to try and find love and the 2 winners win £50,000.

Every day something crazy happens, new people enter the ‘villa’, others get dumped, loyalty is completely crushed and there are many, and I mean many, games being played. I would so talk you through all the single ladies and gentlemen but that would take me too long and some of them just aren’t as relevant as others.

However, one person we just have to talk about is Megan. She was a newbie in the villa and quickly jumped from Eyal to Wes to Alex and back to Wes. No doubt she is good looking but point of me talking about Megan is to highlight the ‘Megan Effect’ she seems to have had on all the boys in the Villa, they all find her ‘fit’ and yet, many photo from 2012 have resurfaced online showing what Megan used to look like before blowing £25,000 on plastic surgery. It gives young girls the impression that you will only be considered beautiful if you look hot and boys find you attractive. Please don’t take this the wrong way though! There is nothing wrong with getting plastic surgery and I am not against the surgery itself, just how it has been promoted on Love Island because of Megan and how the boys treat her because of her looks.  You can do whatever you want and if you feel as though cosmetic surgery is what you truly want, it is your decision and your decision only. :))

Megan’s actions have caused constant unrest in the Villa and her indecisiveness has proved just how far boys are willing to graft for someone who’s as good looking as her yet with no personality. In Eyal’s words “you’re no Jim Carey” Meg, fix up. On the bright side, Megan does bring a lot of drama to the show and it’d probably be relatively boring without her pissing someone off, somewhere.See the source image

Now, the king of muggy has to go to the one and only, Adam. Adam was seen by all the ladies to be incredibly good looking and he had the potential to break up a couple and couple up with one of the girls. That he did. He swooped in and took Kendall from Niall then coupled up with Rosie before dumping Rosie for Zara. Zara left, he had a quick fling with Darylle (what a surprise)!

Adams repetitive, muggy behaviour shows just how girls will, 99% of the time, go for the WRONG guy. No matter how insecure he made Kendall feel about her insecurities – she STILL went back to him. Although he completely mugged of Rosie behind her back, she STILL went back to him. Even though after Zara left he tried it with new girl Darylle, watch this space, she is STILL going to go back to him. And yet we are left with Adam, the alpha male of the villa that went after what he impulsively wanted at that time before breaking a girl’s heart and moving on to the next. GIRLS YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS. Adam is the guy our friends and parents warn us about, he will make you feel special then go running after the next person he is even remotely interested in. Wrong.

See the source image

Laura is SO clingy – new boy Jack has literally been in the villa, coupled up with her for 4 days and she is acting like he is her possession . Calm down love, you’re not in a committed relationship yet (and probably won’t be with this psycho behaviour). Samira has been giving dirty looks all round and Georgia has been completely heartbroken by Josh but at least we know shes ‘loyal’ as she has continually made a point of mentioning.

Wes is a complete mug for choosing disloyal Megan over , Josh is the biggest snake for leaving Georgia like that, Sam is just a bit irrelevant atm and the only reason he’s still in the show is because Georgia coupled up with him. Alex, oh Alex, you just don’t belong on Love Island. Your presence is often overshadowed by the other guys attempts at helping you find love; it hasn’t worked thus far…

See the source image

Dani and Jack, you are the cutest and tbh I don’t have a bad word to say about either of you 🙂

What we forget about Love Island is the deeper issues, not the profanity but the messages it sends to society. Have you noticed how these people are all very fit, attractive guys and girls. It must do horrific things for people’s self confidence: imagine watching the guys lifting weights and working out while the girls strut around in their bikinis; doing wonders for the nation’s societal expectations! We are not all like that, nor do we want to be.

More so, all the ‘snaky’ moves of people bitching behind each others backs is a perfect representation of what modern day society has become. Loyalty is as rare to come by in that villa than Alex being able to properly flirt. Also, explain how one of the only islanders who had an immense amount of self-respect and handled herself with absolute dignity throughout her time on the show was dumped because her previous partner thought she wanted things to progress “too” slowly and he couldn’t be with someone who had that many insecurities.

We, as a nation, have been sucked into watching a world that is much unlike the one we live in, yet continuously dedicate our scarce time to witnessing this ‘entertainment’. Love Island gives young people body issues, and presents unrealistic expectations of what we should be like. Don’t get me wrong because although I sit here bitching about Love Island, I will still spend an hour a night for 8 weeks watching it because I rate the drama.

this post has no relevance but oh well, enjoy 🙂

lorinda

 

We Were Liars: My Thoughts

As far as books go, I am a very picky person, but very rarely will I stop reading a book midway through because I don’t like it. With ‘We Were Liars’, it was very hard for me to read the whole way through without putting the book down, but I persevered :). I really enjoyed the beginning, and I mean really enjoyed it. Yet, there was something about the storyline that the further through the book I got, the more chaotic the storyline seemed to me.

The beginning was pretty gripping, and at 250- or so words, the book is a pretty short read. The introduction to the island and getting to know the 4 main characters is intriguing, but then after the climax (I won’t spoil it in case any of you would like to read it) the storyline became a little distorted and (in my opinion) wasn’t executed the way it probably should’ve been.

When I look back on it, the intention of the storyline is very skilful , and seems to be very well thought out. The only issue is that the author seems to have a problem with the proper completion of the ending which does spoil the book in a way. It’s almost as though the intention wasn’t transferred properly from brain to paper.

Overall, I probably wouldn’t read this book again; maybe because I’m looking for something that will not be as frustrating to finish, or maybe because this just wasn’t really the book for me. If you have read it, do let me know your thoughts.

lorinda xxx